I don’t know

Right now I don’t know wether to cry or scream. Or sleep… I’m mad. Sad. But at the same time kind of alright. I’m inspired, but not motivated. I’m torn. I don’t know what the fuck I want, and I sure as heck don’t have a fucking clue what I need. Sorry for swearing, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. And that annoys me so much! I wanna watch a movie. I wanna play the guitar. I wanna play the flute. I wanna write something. I wanna do homework. My problem here is my lack of motivation. Oh well, I’ll play some guitar. Read a little. I don’t know.

I don’t know.

‘I broke up with him…’, and ‘I won a championship!’

Hey guys.

So, I’ve broken up with my boyfriend. A couple days ago. A week ago? Almost a week ago, yeah.

He cheated on me. And I got to know that from his friend. So, I confronted him, and we talked… And yeah, he says he doesn’t remember anything (he was drunk…) but I don’t know if that’s completely true… -.-

Alright, I guess that’s all there is to say about that matter… So, to the championship! This weekend I’ve been in a city, where I’ve been competing in a championship in taekwon-do. I won! Gold medal! F*ck yeah! I got to meet old friends, made new friends and it was just a really really really nice weekend. I wish I could go back in time and experience that weekend once more… Oh well, I’ll just have to wait until the next championship. :3

I’m doing all right. Kinda weird time for me, I guess… My previous post is something I wrote a couple of months ago, but I posted it now because I felt like it.  Like, I’m kind of disconnected, as y’all know I love calling it, but I’m alright. Imma try to listen to what I wrote for myself in that letter…

That’s all. You have a fantastic day and a fantastic week!

Stay happy, stay awkward ^^

A letter for myself

Dear Awkwardgirl99

Let’s say you live until you’re 95. I don’t know what the average is, but oh well. Let’s just IMAGINE that you live until you’re 95 years old. There’s 365 days in a year. Therefore, in your 95 years in this world, you’ll have lived about 34 675 days. Seems like a lousy amount of time, right? Pretty frightening, right?

34 675 days. 832 200 hours. 49 932 000 minutes. By the time you reach 18 years old, there will only be 28 105 days left. 674 520 hours. 40 471 200 minutes. You know how fast time goes by. Life really is short, so you shouldn’t go around being scared of anything. You also shouldn’t disconnect from life, as you know you’ve done plenty of times before. Sure, it makes many things much easier for you, but then again, it doesn’t really. Because when that little bubble of yours pops, everything will seem overwhelming. Just, don’t get into that bubble; you know you’ll regret it.

Although life is so short, it also is long. You just embarrassed yourself? Everyone will have forgotten it within 1 hour, most likely, if not less. You feel worried about something? There is no reason to worry, because worrying isn’t going to solve anything. However, you know what solves extremely many things? TIME. And life is just that. Time. Life is time. Time is life. Life consists of time, and time consists of whatever you choose to fill YOUR time with. Do not care so much. However, don’t let of go of all your cares.

Life is difficult. So many things to remember, so many things to think about. It’s like golfing. There are so many things to think about, so many things you should do just right in order to hit the ball far. But, when you think about all those things, you will most likely fail. You must let go a little, and everything will go just fine. Mostly. As long as you don’t let go TOO much. Then you will fail as well.

So, my point here is, don’t worry. Just be yourself and think positive thoughts, and I’m sure you’ll do excellent in the rest of your life, just as you’ve mostly done until now.

I hope you feel better after reading this, because I felt much better after writing it.

Awkwardgirl99