So I looked at my previous ¨phobias¨ post, and figured that it’s a little… well… It’s not that accurate. I therefore decided to create a new list of my phobias, this time with a little more research and thought behind each phobia. However, I chose to leave the previous post about phobias, just so that you can see the difference. So yeah, enjoy reading about my fears, you weird sociopaths… Just kidding, I hope you’re normal.
- Thalassophobia – Fear of the sea: I have this, and I’ve known it for just about my entire life. It’s not just because of sharks and fish and that stuff (although they’re pretty creepy too), but it’s just… All this unknown space, all around. Space, as in outer space, as in stars and planets, do not freak me out. I suppose this is because I can actually be at sea, and I know that ¨this is not my turf. This is the turf of sharks and whales and fish and all these things we haven’t even seen yet.¨ I just feel helpless.
- Enochlophobia – Fear of crowded places: You probably already knew both this one and number one. Crowded places freak me out. My heart starts racing, it suddenly feels like the room is on fire, and I just have to get to a place with less people. This is one of several reasons why I do not really want to go to parties and such. I have never been to a party, even though my friends have tried again and again to make me go with them. I am more fan of sitting alone in a room, gaming or something.
- Erotophobia – Fear of sex, or fear of things related to sex: This one gets kind of complicated. You see, erotophobia is ¨a generalized term that encompasses a wide range of specific fears.¨ (quoted from this website.) So, erotophobia include any phobia connected with sex and stuff like that. And, here are the specific phobias I (am pretty sure I) have when it comes to these things:
Genophobia/coitophobia – Fear of sex: Quite simply, the fear of sexual intercourse. I did not have any issues with kissing or cuddling when I was in a relationship, but the more sexual part was very frightening, and after all the things my ex and I did, I am afraid I have ruined myself. I no longer want sexual… Stuff… I mean, I sometimes want it, but if I got the opportunity I would just lock down and say NOPE.
Fear of intimacy and fear of vunerability: Not only when it comes to sexual things, but also sharing personal stories and inner feelings and thoughts. That’s why I find this blog a good way to push my comfort zone. You see, I do not really feel comfortable writing about these things, but I try to post as much as possible of the things I write (I write a lot here, but I rarely post it). Also, when it comes to actually talking seriously to someone about feelings or, well, just serious stuff, I struggle. I just don’t know what to say or what to do, or where to look or what expression to make.
Gymnophobia – Fear of nudity: I have poor self esteem. Just saying. I do not find my body nice to look at, so therefore I do not see how someone else can. They can say whatever they want, but there’s something telling me that I am not pretty, my body is too big, and I should be like ¨the others¨.
So there you have it. Number 3 on this list turned out to be quite complicated, but oh well… You see, these phobias (the ones on number 3, mostly) have caused quite a lot of pain and trouble for me. I could have been so confident. I could have been so much happier. But no. These fucking phobias keep messing with my head, making me feel the need to push people away from my inner feelings and thoughts. Not even my closest friend knows anything about this. This is one of those things I do not tell anyone. I didn’t even hint at it to my ex. He probably just thought I was weird or something. I don’t know.
Do you reckognize yourself in anything that I’ve written today? Let me know if you do.
Stay happy, stay brave, stay awkward