Darn difficult choice

So I have a very difficult choice ahead of me.

I feel like I have to choose between my heart and other people’s expectations. I think I will follow my heart rather than what others expect me to do, but I do not want to let anyone down, and I do not want to seem ungrateful for this opportunity that I have gotten.

Okay, so I will take this from the beginning. My music teacher gave me a piece of paper with information about some kind of advanced music learning programme thing. I could apply to this, and if I got accepted, I would be spending every third weekend in a city, living alone in a hotel room. You see, this learning programme is in a city pretty far away from where I live, and there would be courses and classes the entire weekend. This does sound like a lot of fun, but also a lot of commitment. I would have to change my job weekends (I currently work every other weekend…), I would have much less spare time to hang out with friends or just relax, and it would be expensive with all the travelling and living in a hotel. However, I am not sure if an opportunity like this will ever occur to me again. So you are probably saying ¨Go for it! This is a once ina lifetime opportunity! Do not let it go to waste!¨ However it is not that simple.

First of all: The day of the tryouts (we would have to play our instrument in front of a jury or whatever to show them what we know, and they would decide if we were good enough…) is in the middle of a weekend I have been looking forward to for half a year now. It is a weekend where me and some other musicians will excange music and culture with some scottish teens. I have planned this all out, I have prepared for having to speak english, and I have just been so eager to go there, and now this happens. I have to choose one of these two options.

So, the learning programme lasts for two years. Yep. Two YEARS. That means a lot of money for hotels and driving, and a whole lot of commitment. I just really want to go to that weekend with the scottish teens. Also, I do not think I am ready for such a drastic change…

I want to tell my mum that I do not feel ready for the commitment of this learning programme, and I will also then tell my music teacher.

You see, I am going to go to this kind of learning programme school thing for a year when I graduate, and I am also considering studying music and stuff after that, so I will most definetly learn new and more advanced stuff on my instruments. However that is two years from now. Does it really make a difference, though? Should I not just embrace my last time as a teenager and cruise a little instead of stressing myself out, spending all my money on living in a city every third weekend? Should I not save money, save my nerves and focus on other things like friendship, family, school, and myself? I have my whole life ahead of me, why should I stress this?

No matter what I choose here, I may decline a once in a lifetime opportunity.

What would you do? Give me advice, people. Please.

Stay happy, stay awkward.