What the heck’s wrong with me?

I mean, am I mentally and/or emotionally unstable? Can someone please explain this to me? What is going on??

Hey guys. So, I’ve had a great day. Top notch, good banter. Played at a concert too. It was fun. All in all, a good day. Until nightfall. I have no idea why, but my mood dropped faster than… I don’t even know what, but it dropped fast. Like, I felt fine one moment, then, the next moment, I felt so angry! It was like, I just felt annoyed and angry at first, but then it evolved to near-breakdown-motherfucking-rage-mode. I just wanted to scream and hit something. And then, without warning, near-breakdown-motherfucking-rage-mode evolved to crying-out-of-frustration-mode. I mean what?? Is this normal? Well, I’m quite sure it’s  not normal, but have any of you guys felt the same way?

Maybe it was just a one time thing? Maybe I just have a lot of feelings wanting to come out after my period of not caring? Speaking of period; maybe It’s almost that time of the month? I mean, I usually feel very down, sad & stuff right before it, and maybe this is something my body does just to get some change? Let’s just hope it’s that fucking period that’s messing me up again. It’s just as terrifying every goddamn time, because every time, I think I’m getting depressed or something.

Okay, so, mystery solved? Perhaps. Let’s hope so. I’ll let you guys know if  figure that I was right. Oh, and a question for all you females out there: What do you experience before and during your period? By that I mean apart from the obvious blood flowing out of your vagina, as if that wasn’t already quite obvious… Okay that was all byeee!

Stay happy, stay awkward.

I love you . . . ?

THOSE. WORDS. Filled with emotions. Filled with… Well… Love. Here is my story with this phrase and why I do not use it.

If you have read my previous posts, you know about my ex. Now, he started saying he loved me from very early in our relationship. The first time he said it, I was like ¨What. The. Fuck. No. Nonono please dear God no. Do I have to say it back now? What about my promise?¨ What is my promise? My promise is that I will not say those words if I am not absolutely sure that I mean them. Don’t get me wrong; I was IN LOVE with him. I had feelings for him. However I did NOT love him.

How can I say this? Easy: I do not know what love is. I mean, I know about caring for each other and all that stuff, but true love? Never experienced that, and I probably wont for many years.

So, my ex. He said he loved me, and I just kind of talked it away or something. Some time later I explained to him what those words mean to me, and that I did not feel comfortable saying them to him because I feel like they are words that belong to grown ups who hve had more than just one relationship in their life, or at least have been together for a really long time. He said he understood, but he kept saying it to me. I am not sure if he actually understood the great meaning the words have for me, and I am not sure if he wanted me to still say it back, or if he was fine with me not saying it.

After a while, we found this kind of golden mean: A sort of goofy variety of the words. You know, kind of like that dog that can ¨talk¨ and goes ¨I raw yoooou¨… It kind of took the serious love part away from it, which made me a little more comfortable saying it.

Well, that was pretty much it. So to sum up my opinion on the words ¨I love you¨: They are for those who LOVE each other, NOT for those who are IN LOVE with each  other. A teenager can not know what true love is in my opinion. I know, maybe you have another opinion, but this is at least mine.

Let me know in the comments what you opnion on these magical words are. Do you use the phrase? If so, how often? I am very interested in hearing your stories and views on these things.

So I’ll talk to you later, guys. Have a nice weekend. 😀

Stay happy, stay awkward

Gender, sexuality & new haircut

I have been thinking more than usual lately. I have been thinking about my gender. I have been thinking about my sexuality. And I have been thinking about getting a haircut. So let’s look through these thoughts, starting with sexuality:

I have for some reason been thinking about my sexuality lately. ¨Am I gay?¨ is a thought that has run through my head many times at the most random moments. After thorough concidering, I have come to the conclusion that I am not gay. Because I am not really attracted to girls. Not mostly at least. If anything I am bisexual, but not gay. So either straight or bi. But does it really matter to me right now? No, it does not; because I am not interested in a relationship or any love stuff or anything at the moment. I am happy by myself, I have great friends, and that is all I need at the time.

Okay, let’s talk about gender. Now, this is something I am more insecure about than my sexuality. But I feel like I’ve come to a decent conclusion for myself: I am a girl, but I am also kind of a little boy. I do not want boy parts and I do not wish I was a boy (well, I do sometimes, but I do not want to actually change into a boy…). However I feel like dressing ¨like a boy¨ pretty often, and I am going to cut my hair short (which I will write about after this). the reason why I wrote ¨like a boy¨ with those dot things (don’t know the word for them), is because I think everyone should be able to dress they want to. Although people may connect that type of clothes with boys, there shouldn’t be anything wrong with girls dressing that way as well. So, I am a girl, but I want to dress excactly the way I want to without others questioning it.

Alright, my haircut! Next week I am going to cut my hair. I have really long hair at the moment, and I am tired of it. It doesn’t feel like me, I want it to change. So I’m going short. Pixie cut short. And I am so excited! I can barely wait! I really hope I will feel like my true self after this. Using hair gel and stuff (like boys do, yes) and, well, just having short hair, it sounds so lovely. It almost feels like I have already cut my hair!

How about you? Do you define your gender differently from your sex? What is your sexuality? Let me know in the comments, I want to have a conversation with you here.

Bye guys,

Stay happy, stay awkward :3

‘I broke up with him…’, and ‘I won a championship!’

Hey guys.

So, I’ve broken up with my boyfriend. A couple days ago. A week ago? Almost a week ago, yeah.

He cheated on me. And I got to know that from his friend. So, I confronted him, and we talked… And yeah, he says he doesn’t remember anything (he was drunk…) but I don’t know if that’s completely true… -.-

Alright, I guess that’s all there is to say about that matter… So, to the championship! This weekend I’ve been in a city, where I’ve been competing in a championship in taekwon-do. I won! Gold medal! F*ck yeah! I got to meet old friends, made new friends and it was just a really really really nice weekend. I wish I could go back in time and experience that weekend once more… Oh well, I’ll just have to wait until the next championship. :3

I’m doing all right. Kinda weird time for me, I guess… My previous post is something I wrote a couple of months ago, but I posted it now because I felt like it.  Like, I’m kind of disconnected, as y’all know I love calling it, but I’m alright. Imma try to listen to what I wrote for myself in that letter…

That’s all. You have a fantastic day and a fantastic week!

Stay happy, stay awkward ^^

Dreams

Are dreams always what you secretly want? Like, if there’s a guy who I really hate. All of my friends hate him too. I’m not gonna go into detail about why. Let’s just say that he did something really stupid. So anyway, we hate this guy, right? And this night I had a dream about him. And kt was really sweet. I mean, usually I hate the looks of him, but in the dream, he was kind, and looked really good! So that’s my question: are dreams always what we secretly want? And I don’t mean those dreams where nothing makes sense, or nightmares or anything like that. I mean those dreams that seem real, with people you know, and that stuff. I’m really worried, because I’ve had similar dreams with people I fancy.

I feel like I’m about to go insane. I keep trying to forget about the dream, but it just won’t go away! The feeling keeps getting back at me, and it’s like getting shot, except the feeling is a horrible mix between good and bad.

WHAT DO I DO?? How do you forget about something that you just really wanna forget? Or maybe this feeling means something… NO! I don’t want that! I don’t want to have these feelings!
Help me out, guys, I’m freaking out here. What would you do?

GAAAAH! <3

GAAAH! I can’t stand it! He’s just too amazing! I’m in that mood today. He’s PERFECT! Although I barely saw him today… But I did see him! Sorry if these kind of posts annoy you… 😛

I don’t really have a lot to say today… It was an alright day, it had it’s ups and downs…

GIRLS, READ THIS!!!
How do you talk to guys??? Or how do you try and make him know you like him? I’m super shy, so I’m probably gonna freak out if I’m going to try and talk to him…

BOYS, READ THIS!!!
How do I know if a guy likes me??? My friends have told me that he has been looking at me (several times), and our eyes have met, and he has smiled at me. I don’t know if it’s all just a coincidence, or…

I really want answers to this. I NEED answers!! Wow, I’m in an intense mood today…

Anyway, PLEASE comment on this post if you have answers or advice, or anything like that.

Alright, that’s it for now. Bye. 🙂

You wanna date? Or nah…?

Hey guys! So, now I fancy someone. A LOT. He’s amazing, and when I’m around him I get really nervous. I can’t help but wonder, though; Is he out of my league? I hope not. Is that even a thing? Being out of someone’s league? Or is that just in movies? I don’t know… Anyway, I think I’m gonna ask him out. If I can man up (or woman up, I tried to be funny…) enough to do it.

something else has also got into my mind lately: I want to write a book. Not just a normal book, but a book that I write throughout my whole life. A self-biography, yes, but quite different. I’m thinking I’ll write a new chapter each year, so that it is as if the reader follows me through my entire life. I don’t know, it sounds exciting for me, at least. Let me know if you would read such a book. 🙂

Oh, and one last thing: Welcome, my dear new followers! And welcome aboard to S.S. Weirdness! That was weird, I’m sorry… :3

K.

U rock, byyee!