Guess what. I miss him hella lot. It has been, what, 26 days since he ended it?
(If you’re reading this and don’t have a clue as to what I’m talking about; the first person I’ve ever loved, broke up with me. Somehow I was convinced it would last. At least for longer than it did. Anyways, you can read more about it in my previous posts if you want to.)
So yeah, it has been about 26 days, I think. And I actually miss him more than ever. I guess there’s not really anything weird about it. Missing someone you love. I wonder… I wonder if there are any more like him out there? That I will ever get the chance to meet?
There are about 7,4 billion people on Earth. In my country, there are about 5 million. Many are women, many are children and many are in relationships, but there are still a lot of single guys out there. But the thing that worries me, is wether or not there are anyone like him. Or better. More perfect. More lovable. Better looking, kinder, funnier and just all over better. I don’t think so. I try to think positively. I try to think that, although he seems perfect, there is someone out there, even better. It’s difficult, I’m sure you know this. There is nothing out of the ordinary about this heartbreak, I share this feeling with so many other people. Still, though. It’s difficult to stay positive. When will I get over him? When will I be able to move on? When will he move on?
That’s probably what worries me the most, in a way. Him finding somebody else. Him moving on before I’ve done the same. One of us will be the first one to move on, I know. And, it’s probably quite selfish of me to not want to see him together with someone else. But it’s not so weird, is it? I still have feelings for him (for fucks sake, I still love him), and seeing him move on would close that door that is the possibility of us two getting back together.
I miss talking to him. I miss playing video games with him. I miss the Skype calls. I miss his voice. I miss his words. I miss everything about him, and everything about us. I wish there was some magical button I could press to make all these emotions go away. Or to bring us back together. Or to erase every memory I have with him. Wait, no, I wouldn’t want to forget him. Holy shit, there is no way I would want to erase the memories I have of him.
He helped me in so many ways. We helped each other, talked about everything. Him and I, we bonded like I’ve never bonded with anyone before. He made me feel like everything would work out. He taught me what it feels like to love someone. And when it all ended, the relationship with my friends grew much stronger. So I have that to thank him for as well.
It was amazing while it lasted, and although I am not sure wether it is possible to feel that way about anyone else, ever, I will not give up on hope. Because since I found him, and he actually felt the same way about me as I did about him, I know that miracles sometimes happen.
Have you experienced heartbreak? How fast did you recover (if you ever did)? Let’s talk about this. Leave a comment if you want to talk about anything. Thanks.
Stay happy, stay awkward