It is indeed difficult. Quite difficult. I can have all the trust in him; I can give all my support to him. I can think, hope, and believe anything I want, but at the end of the day, I stand powerless. Helpless. Out of control. It is all up to him. Sure, I can try to help him, I can try. I can try all I want, I might even affect his choices. But I cannot decide what the final outcome will be. That is up to noone other than himself.
It makes me mad. I shall not lie; it does make me mad. However, I cannot really be mad. I can at least not show him I am mad, for I fear that it would make it worse.
Or maybe he needs to see that it upsets me? Show him that I actually do care about him and his choices, and that if he does these things, it will upset me beacuse I do not wish to see him like this.
No, I should rather just show him my support, tell him I’m there for him, tell him not to worry.
Then again, he must know he is being stupid, right? I am not okay with him doing this to himself. I can tell he is not okay with it either. But why, then, does he do it? Like with so many topics; I wish I knew.
What can I say? What should I say? Anything could potentially sound self-centered if I try to put some sense into his head. I am trying to help him. I am not trying to make everything about me. Or, am I? I don’t think I am…?
No. I will not lecture him. I cannot even understand what he is feeling, what he is thinking. I can try, but I have not been in his situation, so I cannot fully understand. I will let him learn by himself, and I will be there for him, no matter what.
In all honesty, the only thing that could ever make me leave him is if he told me to do so.
So yeah, I will tell him that I do not like seeing him like this, and he’ll probably say something like ¨I understand, but don’t wory too much. I’ll be fine.¨ I sure hope he will be fine. I hope he will not do this again. But, as I said earlier; I can hope all I want, but at the end of the day, it is up to him.
Hey guys. My boyfriend got high today. It was not a good high. He was not feeling okay. I am worried, and I had a lot of feelings and did not know what to tell him or what to do. So I wrote this. It helped. I feel better now, and after having a serious talk with me and having a shower, my boyfriend too feels a bit better. I’m adding some cheesy tumblr-like quotes here and there in this, because they describe my feelings right now… Feelings of love, that is, for I love him. Although I am upset, I love him, and I wish him all the best, always.
I’ll talk to you guys later
Stay happy, stay awkward